Jen Russum

You are here: Home / Narratives of Grace / To the Biking Buffoons

To the Biking Buffoons

This is a follow-up to my jaywalker post. Just to clarify, I didn’t really ever hit a jaywalker. But if I gave an idiot a gentle, non-harming bump in the road anywhere in Phoenix {where jaywalkers happen to be exceptionally stupid}, I don’t know if I would feel that bad about it.
But my real issues are not with the jaywalkers. No. My problem is with cyclists. Entitled bike riders who want all the privileges of pedestrians and cars, yet yield to neither. They make me sick.

{via}
I am not an experienced cyclist by any means. I did my first sprint-tri this past fall and it was my first time using a road bike of any sort. I was super slow and cautious and uncomfortable on that wobbly two-wheeled contraption. But I know a few things about riding a bike in the road… namely, if you want to be in the road with the cars, you have to act like a car… meaning you need to follow driving rules. If you want to be up on the sidewalk with pedestrians, you have to act like a pedestrian. You can’t have it both ways.
So this is my rant to every entitled cyclist everywhere… especially the ones around ASU. If you are cycling in the street, you have to follow the same rules the cars do. You have to stop at red lights and stop signs, use a turn signal {aka your arms}, and yield to pedestrians.
This is what you should not do… ride in the bike lane, cruising at 20+ mph alongside the cars on their morning commute down University Avenue. As you approach one of the busy main intersections in front of America’s largest university, you notice the light turn yellow. As the cars to your left start to slow down, you speed up. Because, hey, you’re a bike and you can do anything you want, right? The light turns red before you get to the intersection, but you have no intention of stopping. As thirty pedestrians – tired students on their way to classes, faculty headed to the administration building, maybe even a mom with a stroller out for a morning walk – step into the crosswalk at the beckoning of the little white man on the sign, they move forward step by step, believing in the illusion of safety. These are not jaywalkers. These are America’s best and brightest – the kids who show up to 8am college classes and know to cross the street at a crosswalk. And here you come on your bike, with your pride and ignorance, barreling through like you own the street, the bike lane, the traffic signal and the WORLD.
It’s not pretty, you biking buffoon, and I don’t like you one bit.

Comments

  1. I love it! And agree 100%. For some reason, cyclists are allowed to ride all over Camp Pendleton, where there are no designated bike lanes. There is barely enough room in the lane for a full sized car. And they are supposed to ride single file, but no. None of them do. They ride in big huge groups and you have no choice but to wait behind them, going about 10 mph. We are not fans of cyclists at. all.

  4. I live near the Blue Ridge Parkway and I almost dread taking it on beautiful weather days because of all the cyclists I'm going to have to deal with. I have to admit, I kind of admire them, but they still drive me crazy!

  5. I agree! My husband almost hit a biker a couple of years ago when they were at a busy 4-way stop. The bicyclist acted like he was a vehicle, but then at the last minute used the sidewalk to cross as if he were a pedestrian and if I hadn't screamed he would've been flattened!

    Anna
    Small Dog the Blog

  6. YES!!! Bikers in Sf are the worst. They think they're entitled to choose which rules to follow -pedestrians or cars- and they get all pissed off at you if you don't yield to their choices. I've even had a biker hit my car (intentionally, with his hands) while I was making a right-hand turn on red because apparently I'm not supposed to turn in front of a biker and instead should wait until the light turns green, let them cross the intersection, then finally make my turn. I don't think so buddy.