Two kids is hard. Two under two is really hard. I have nothing to compare it to but more experienced mothers ensure me that I am definitely in a draining season with a 22 month old and a seven week old.
However, these days are also good.
Even when my infant won’t sleep or my toddler has a fever or we are perpetually late going anywhere and I break a sweat just trying to get my kids out of the house – these days are so good.
These are truths I am speaking to myself on the days I am still drinking coffee at 4pm and in the moments I want to cry because I feel so overwhelmed…
Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it isn’t good. Some of the hardest seasons of my life have also been the times when God has been doing a mighty and holy work in my heart. This time with small children at home is one of those times. Every morning I pray that I will die to self and serve my children well, without resentment and with great joy. I often fail at this. My sinful nature whispers to me that I deserve time to myself. That I am right to get frustrated when nap times don’t align. That I’m entitled to more time with girlfriends and a clean house and that these kids are getting in the way of those things. Those are all lies. Thankfully, in Christ, I wake up to new mercy each day and learn to battle the lies in my head. The truth is I am blessed with two beautiful daughters. They are gifts. They are beautiful, needy gifts the Lord has entrusted me with. Each day, by God’s grace, I learn to serve my children more sacrificially and love them more deeply just as the Father loves me.
Live for the legacy. The recent trend in mama-hood {at least according to social media} is to “live in the present.” And I get that to some extent. It’s so easy to overlook the beauty of this season because you are wishing for the next – when the baby sleeps through the night, when the big kids head off to school, when you can resume your career, start a new ministry, have five minutes to yourself, etc. etc. The present is very special and truly the only moment God guarantees. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, so surely we should be living abundantly today. However, there are aspects of motherhood that are so utterly tiring, heartbreaking, and humbling that I think it’s actually essential and quite good to look at the bigger picture and what the years down the road might look like if God so allows. No mother thinks, “Middle of the night nursing is so sweet. I hope I never sleep through the night again.” That’s foolish. In the midst of blow-out diapers, night feedings, tantrums, fevers, and toddler discipline, I sometimes imagine what my Thanksgiving table might look like thirty years from now. I see my daughters, and hopefully a few more children, gathered around with godly spouses and perhaps babies of their own. I see a new generation of people who love and fear the Lord and serve His kingdom with joy and boldness. I am a grandma and as I wash up dishes after the meal, my hands more wrinkled from age than from the sudsy water, I praise God I got to be a part of the legacy and thank him for the hard years and humbling moments when this family tree was taking root.
This season is hard, mamas, but it is good. Enjoy today, but live for the legacy.
Thank you for this post! I've really been struggling with how difficult 2 under 2 is but feeling guilty for not enjoying this time as much as I should be. I totally agree that even though it's hard it doesn't mean it's not good.
I appreciate your advice to "live for the legacy." With all the emphasis put on the baby years (the present), it can feel like mothering school-aged children or teens or grown adults doesn't even count. I sometimes feel that I need to keep having babies in order to be Someone in the mothering game. Rather, each choice I make in the present, each season, is building toward that family legacy. One day I will send my children out from the nest (and rightly so). What that day will look like is being built in the present.