Jen Russum

A Fire that I Can’t Control…

A Fire that I Can’t Control…

We sang a song at church this weekend called "Set a Fire" by Jesus Culture and one of the lines says, "So set a fire down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control." The words continue to ring in my mind... Because I want control. I love control. I can sing beautiful lyrics on Sunday morning but if I really think about it, asking God to do anything in my heart, mind, or soul that's beyond my control is not actually my preference. My flesh loves to control EVERYTHING. I like my house a certain way. I like my coffee a certain way. I want to have a certain number of friends who treat me a certain way. I want my laundry done a certain way. I want my kids to behave a certain way. I want to go on a specific number of date nights and vacations and post a reasonable number of pictures on Instagram. I like to read one book a month for fun, and if the bed doesn't get made right or if a baby wakes up before I've read my Bible, I get mad. I want control of every aspect and detail of my life, and when circumstances sail out of my control, I get angry. I mope, I complain, I harbor bitter thoughts even when I don't say them aloud. But I often say them out loud. I love control. But the Christian life is about not being in control. It's about surrendering to the One who is ultimately in control. When I survey my life, I realize my absolute inability to keep everything running smoothly. The coffee may taste good, but the baby wakes up early and I don't get to finish it. The date night ends with an argument. The kids refuse to smile for the camera. And this doesn't even get into the spiritual realm. The cleanliness of my house and the quality of my date nights are insignificant when compared to the utter helplessness of my heart. My attempts at righteousness are futile, and even my most disciplined moments are often tangled up with sin - complaints, bitterness, and pride in my heart. I am so slow to recognize that I follow a God who is in control. Absolutely in control of everything. He set the stars in place (Psalm 8:3) and he holds the world in his hand (Psalm 95:4). He never sleeps, and he is never caught off guard. Nothing ever happens that is outside his plan. He is stronger than every evil force and no circumstance takes him by surprise. He knows every person on earth by name, and the history of the world is woven together for his glory. I worship the One who controls the whole universe (Colossians 1:17). And so I pray that I would genuinely sing, "Set a fire down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control." I've never had control anyway, but I hope to cultivate a spirit that is thankful for the surrender. Thankful for a God who messes up our plans, moves us to new places, puts strangers in our path, and calls us to meet the needs of others, even when it wasn't on our calendar. Set a fire to my false sense of control, Lord. Burn it up and refresh me with the living water of your Spirit. ... Read more

Study Bibles and Swaying Hips

Study Bibles and Swaying Hips

There is a Pentecostal spirit on the west coast. You can go to the most traditional church in California {or Washington for that matter}, and you will see people dancing during worship in the front row. If you survey the more reserved worshipers in the back aisles, you still might catch some hands raised or hips swaying in time to the music. I first noticed this difference when I moved from Seattle to Texas for college. In the Bible belt, I learned so much about theology and learned how to deeply study God's Word. I grew spiritually at my church in Texas, but worship looked different. A bit more serious. Few hands raised. No one dancing. I am a girl who loves God's Word. My giant study Bible is one of my most precious possessions. I believe Scripture should be studied deeply, memorized, meditated upon, and applied to every circumstance of life. My theology is reformed, and I believe the Bible clearly shows that salvation is ordained by God for his elect, by grace alone through faith alone. But I am also a girl who loves to dance. I love the feeling of dancing before the Lord, lifting my hands to worship our maker. I love the idea of praising God in creative ways - through song, poetry, essays, photography, painting, and the list goes on. I went to a meeting recently at a school with a Pentecostal heritage. A faculty member there explained to me: "A Calvinist church in the area will be more focused on theology, but we are more focused on living life empowered by the Spirit." Does this have to be an either/or issue? I don't think so. I believe we can live in a way that is deeply informed by God's Word, with minds that seek to know the doctrines of the Bible and hearts that are in tune with the Spirit's presence and promptings. Let's not be "Bible people" or "Spirit people." Let's be people that write in the margins in our Study Bibles and sway our hips during worship. ... Read more

Moving Woes

Moving Woes

In college, I lived with a girl named Kate. Together, we lived in our first off-campus apartment and then in two different houses after that. Kate was an excellent mover. Whenever we were moving to a new place, she would wake up bright and early on moving day, finish packing up a few little boxes, and by the evening she would have everything settled at our new house. Boxes unpacked, sheets clean, pictures hanging on the new wall just so. I, on the other hand, would be drowning in boxes for a month. I would get stuff hung on the walls six months later or possibly not at all if another move seemed imminent. Because here is truth... I suck at moving. I don't understand the Kates of the world. The ones who make moving look so easy, even a little fun. The opportunity to move everything I own from one residence to another one? Let's do it! It will be a cinch. A few of the ladies I follow on Instagram have moved recently. They are Kates. I have photographic proof that they left their old house on a Friday, and by Monday morning they were all set up in their new house with pictures on the wall and their home-schooled children working blissfully at the dining room table while homemade chicken stock simmered on the stove. HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE?! I have been working on my house all weekend long and as I sit here, I can see my dining room table littered with THINGS, a mirror leaning against a wall, and a straggler box sitting in front of our fireplace. And that's just the living area. The upstairs is even worse. And I can't even consider what our garage looks like or I might have a panic attack. Granted, there were a million reasons this move was extra hard on us. We've never moved since having kids. A move out of state is ten times harder than a move across town. Micah had very limited time off from work since he took time off when Talitha was born this summer. I am in a crucial part of my grad school career {you know, the part where I apply for REAL jobs}, and I don't really have time to be dealing with moving boxes. The list goes on and on. But when it comes down to it, the Russums are simply not good at moving. Stuff doesn't get packed right. Or it doesn't really get packed at all. Our things get broken. If you know me at all, this might surprise you because I am an insanely organized person. The problem is that I thrive on structure and when my structure gets disassembled and put into a moving truck, I get really overwhelmed. The chaos of moving is crippling to me and I become an avoider of piles and boxes, which makes the process even worse. The way I see it, there are only two options: A) Become a full-fledged minimalist and get rid of everything we own. This is very tempting right now. B) Become rich enough to hire a moving company from start to finish on our next move. I will just have to keep avoiding these lingering boxes to work on job applications... To all the Kates of the world, I applaud you. I respect you. I envy you. Teach me your ways or, better yet, come whip my house into shape. ... Read more