Jen Russum

Flowers Fade Friday: A Lost Life

Flowers Fade Friday: A Lost Life

Jesus clearly says: "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it" {Mark 8:34-35}. But I am constantly convicted that I don't really live a lost life. Not fully. Not all the time. We are called to live our lives in complete surrender to God. Lives where we obey God fully. Serve others unceasingly. Withstand trials and inconveniences joyfully. Forgive those who wrong us eagerly. This is a lost life. This is a life where the Gospel is honored above all else. This is a life that considers both the good and the bad of this world rubbish in comparison to knowing Christ and living with him in heaven for eternity. But sometimes I don't surrender my life fully to God - don't fully lose my life to him - because I have boundaries. I try to "save" my own life. I try to establish limits in order to protect myself from fully surrendering to the Gospel, because sometimes that surrender is hard and uncomfortable and sacrificial. For example, I might say: "God I am trying to obey you in most things, but I just want to be selfish in this one area. I just want to buy this one thing when I know I shouldn't. I just want to be angry at this person for a few minutes."  "I will love this person tomorrow, when I have more time to write an e-mail. I will serve my friend after I get all my housework done. I will love my husband by doing this one chore for him today, but if he doesn't reciprocate by helping me this weekend, I will be bitter about it."  "I have withstood this trial for three months now and have tried to be joyful, but today I am just going to give in and be bitter and angry and hopeless." "I will forgive this person one more time, since you've commanded me to, but after that, I'm done." Jesus doesn't work like that. He never said, "I'll only go to cross if..." He never said, "I'll let them give me 29 lashes, but if they try to give me 39, I'm done with this."  He never said, "I'll forgive them this time, but if my disciples show a lack of faith again, I'm going to go find new followers." And he has never said to me, "If you sin again, we're through. Or "if you are faithless, I just won't stand it." Instead, my Savior, when he was up on that cross in agony, prayed over his persecutors, saying "Father, forgive them" {Luke 23:34}. Instead, my Savior has promised that even when I am faithless, he will remain faithful to me {2 Timothy 2:13} Not only did Jesus physically lose his life for me, but he lost his life daily by living simply, humbly, sacrificially and, most of all, righteously so that he could trade his holy life for my unholy life. So God could look upon me and see him in my place. This is a lost life. A lost life does not have boundaries on how much sacrifice will be made for the Gospel. A lost life means loving without reciprocation, obeying without hesitation, serving without reward and forgiving without restraint. A lost life means following Jesus, even to the point of death. If I am called to die for Christ, then how foolish of me to think that I can live for Him with my own boundaries. That I can put limits on how much I serve or whom I love or justify my own attitudes when they fall short of joy. There are no boundaries on the lost life - nothing, including life itself, should be withheld from God. Jesus died for us and we are called to live lost lives for him and for the sake of his story - the beautiful Gospel. ... Read more

Hair.

Hair.

I went through a lazy year of my life somewhere between college and marriage where I wore my hair "curly" every single day. My method for curly is this: shower at night; when you get out of the shower put mousse in your hair and pile it on top of your head in a big messy bun; spray this bun with a little bit of hairspray; sleep on messy bun; take down messy bun in morning; spray 'curls' with hairspray; leave for work. It's pretty much the best hair method ever. I couldn't resist. This is me mid-lazy year. This is exactly how I wore my hair for an entire school year. In this picture, it is dyed brown. Also in this picture, I am wearing a puffer, glasses with no lenses, pink sweat pants and galoshes. It was a snow day. This flat tire was the result of a quick trip to Starbucks for a tasty bev with friends on a day off. I am a freak...  Here is my curly hair again, but close to my natural color. In this picture, I am helping my best friend pick a new hair color. I like to think Camille is praying over the decision in this photo, although I am pretty sure she was just blinking. But there are two downfalls to this style: A) it requires a lot of product and it doesn't really hold up well for two days, so you have to wash your hair pretty much every night and B) Micah hates it. Now, I don't feel pressured to always do my hair according to my husband's wishes, but wearing a hairstyle that he finds unattractive day in and day out is probably not the best wife move. So ever since getting married I rarely wear my hair curly. {When I do I get raving comments from females who wish their hair would scrunch, even though it's not the most attractive hair style. If you want scruched hair, try my method above. It will probably work unless you have absolutely no wave or volume in your hair.} Micah likes my hair straight. And the truth of the matter is, so do I. I feel like it looks best when it is dried and straightened, and my hair is not oily, so I can easily get two days out of it if I don't work out. But the other problem is that I do workout a lot. And I sweat. And I wash  my hair almost every day, even though I know you are not supposed to. So here is my conundrum. I feel best when I have straight hair, but I don't like going through the process {even though my straight hair process is pretty easy too... wait until it's almost dry, use the blow dryer for two minutes max because I hate the sound of it, and then run the straightener through it 10-20 times.... I like to keep things simple}. I work out and wash my hair way too often to always wear it straight, but I always feel ugly when I go out with it wet, wear it naturally wavy {aka frizzy and awkward}, or wear a ponytail. I've decided pony tails are not for me - except for maybe side ponies. This is way I like my hair. Straight. With some highlights. Or some lowlights, depending on the season. In this picture I am siting in the backseat of my own car trying to finish our book club book while my best friends are driving us to Canada. This was the week of my wedding. Who doesn't go to Canada and host a book club the week of their wedding? So what's a girl to do? I am always inspired by Sydney, who wears a big, fun messy bun right on top of her head all the time and it looks great. I also love Casey, who is constantly rocking cute headbands. Maybe I just need to invest in some better hair accessories to get over my fear of wearing messy hair.  These are my recent attempts to do something different with my hair. In this picture, I am bringing back corn rows. But only on one side on my head. Micah liked it. Here I am trying to delight in wearing my hair in a wet bun with a big flower to hide the grossness. {Inside, I am cringing...} This is simply me writing about my stupid need to always have straight hair, because it makes me feel better and motivates me to get over it. BUT if you have any ideas for fun hair styles or know how to create the perfect messy bun or can fill me in on who makes the best/most affordable accessories, please let me know! I am overwhelmed by the headband options on etsy, so help a girl out! XOXO! ... Read more

Flowers Fade Friday: 4,000?

Flowers Fade Friday: 4,000?

I have always been slightly confused by Jesus and the feeding of the four thousand. Don't get me wrong; I think it's great that Jesus fed 4,000 hungry people fish and bread after he had been preaching to them for three days (see Mark 8). I have just always wondered about the significance of this event since it comes not long after Jesus' miracle of feeding FIVE thousand people. It has always seemed slightly lesser, slightly irrelevant, compared to his first feeding miracle, so what's the point? Jesus' feeding of 5,000 people who had been listening to him preach all day by miraculously multiplying five loaves of bread and two fish is the only of Jesus' miracles that is recorded in all of four of the Gospels (Matthew 14, Mark 6, Luke 9, John 6). And 5,000 is an understatement. The Bible tells us there were 5,000 men present - not counting women and children - which means Jesus likely fed more than 10,000 people with those meager loaves and fish. So basically, the chapter heading should say "Jesus feeds 10,000+ ... booyah!" This miracle is amazing, and it also shows Jesus' merciful heart as he didn't want to send his eager listeners away hungry, where they might faint on the road as they walked miles upon miles back to their homes at the end of the day. But then a few chapters after the recording of this miracle, another miracle is recorded in Matthew 15 and Mark 8...  Jesus feeds 4,000 people. Well, obviously He could feed 4,000 if he already fed 5,000. So why is this story so important? I always thought it was simply to show the disciples floundering in their faith (which can be both infuriating and comforting at the same time!). When Jesus asks them to find provisions to feed this second crowd of 4,000 they answer hopelessly that they will never be able to gather enough food for the task, as if they didn't just see Jesus feed 5,000 people a few weeks earlier. Although it's comforting at times to see the disciples flail in their faith, only because I know that Jesus loved them dearly and they went on to do amazing things to establish God's church on this earth, which gives me hope for my own heart, I don't think the point of sharing the story of the 4,000 is to show yet another doubtful moment by the disciples. The importance of this second story is about the sheep. It's about the people to whom Jesus is preaching. In the first miracle, the feeding of the 5,000, Jesus is preaching to his own Jewish people near the Sea of Galilee. These people come to hear him speak, and he sees they are "like sheep without a shepherd" (Mark 6:34). After he teaches truth to them, he feeds them because he loves them. However in Mark 8, the setting has changed. Jesus has been travelling outside of Jewish territory and is now in Decapolis, which is a Gentile region. The importance of Jesus feeding 4,000+ here is not about the number of people or the few loaves of bread or the seven baskets of food left over, although all those things are extraordinary. It's about the fact that Jesus taught and fed that crowd. At all. Period. You see, I am a Gentile. I am not Jewish. I am not of God's "chosen nation" - at least not ethnically speaking. You are probably a Gentile too. We don't really think in terms of Jew and Gentile anymore, but when Jesus was on earth, this division was a big deal. Jews and Gentiles did not get along. There was rampant animosity between these groups and, in fact, this animosity still is in the Middle East today. But Jesus saw past all that. He was looking to a day when Jews and Gentiles would be brothers and sisters in the Kingdom of God. Jesus loves me. I have been grafted into Abraham's family and will spend eternity in heaven with God, because Jesus preached to the Gentiles. Because he saw 4,000 Gentiles as his sheep and he lovingly taught them and fed them. And regardless of ethnic background, the story of the 4,000 reminds me that I have done nothing to earn God's love. It doesn't matter where I am from or what I have done. God chose me. Jesus saw me - a helpless sheep - and took compassion on me. He gave himself for me and he loves me. I am thankful that he chose to feed the 4,000 that day and I am thankful that he chooses to love me today. ... Read more