Our life these days is very much like a small fishing boat being tossed back and forth on the waves of the sea. We have the tiniest semblance of security (a boat made of wood and nails) in the form of two jobs and a lease on a house in a nice, safe neighborhood, but everywhere we look, waves are crashing and we have no idea where we are headed.
We have been living in our house for a week and half, and it is utterly empty. We each have a suitcase of clothes and a few toiletries. Micah and I have been sleeping on a borrowed air mattress, and the girls are in Pack ‘n’ Plays. We eat off of paper plates, and we have a small supply of groceries in our mini fridge. We tried to make macaroni and cheese one night at home, to avoid eating out yet again, and realized after the noodles were cooked that we had no strainer and no butter to mix with the cheese. I thought you couldn’t mess up Kraft mac and cheese, but it turns out… you can.
Micah is in a new position that he’s really excited about, but he is experiencing all the stress of a new job, meeting new co-workers, and building his business from the ground up. I am teaching online, finishing my dissertation, and applying to REAL professor jobs for next year {the goal I’ve been working toward for the past five years of my life}. I was telling Micah earlier today that I love this phase of life… I am working toward my dream career, I love our kids, I feel like have a decent amount of balance with home/family/friends/health, but I’m sure when this season is over and I’ll look back on the time of life when I had two kids under two, was writing a dissertation, teaching, and moving to a new state, I will take the deepest breath and say “How did I get through that?!”
I don’t know why I’m writing all this, except that I want to remember the sheer chaos that is our life right now. After a few years of relative calm, the boat is rocking and we aren’t sure which shore we’ll land on. We don’t know if California is forever or for just a few years. I don’t know where I’ll end up career-wise. We don’t know if we should keep renting here or buy a house soon. But I will say that God is faithful. Every time I’m tempted to be fearful, He reminds me of His goodness. He is in control. He has already given us so many opportunities here… being invited to a neighbor’s house for dinner, a play date with an Instagram friend, so many church invites that it will take us until Christmas to pick a congregation. He doesn’t owe us signs and confirmation that we are in His will and that everything is going to be alright, but when we look around we see His favor and His guidance everywhere we look.
So the boat is out on the sea. The waves are crashing. The wind is howling. But our God made the sea. He steers the ship. His Son is the anchor. And as sure as the sun rises in the east, I’m certain we’ll make it to shore.
