If you look at my goals for the year, you won’t see anything about Bible reading, exercise, or housekeeping, even though these are probably common goals for most women. It’s not that those things aren’t important to me, it’s just that they are already top priorities in my life and part of my regular daily or weekly rhythms.
I’m not trying to brag that I’m so great at life and don’t need goals. Quite the contrary… As I see the ways that Bible reading, housework and exercise have become rhythms for me, I see all the other areas of my life that I struggle to prioritize or schedule, even though they are extremely important as well. The areas where I struggle might be the areas that come naturally to you. I read my Bible frequently but tend to neglect prayer. Perhaps you are quick to pray throughout the day or you enjoy writing out long prayers to the Lord. I am horrible at making time for creative and recreational activities. Some people are so good about sitting down to do something creative or relaxing such as painting, reading, or knitting. Even though I would like to do some of those things, I have to force it into my schedule. Whenever my sister in law has a day off, she’ll go on a long hike or bike ride for fun to enjoy the sunshine and get some exercise. Apart from my mandatory gym time, I am horrible about being recreational, even though, in theory, I would love to play tennis in our neighborhood from time to time. See? We are all different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Some of you will laugh that I keep a checklist to make sure that I get together with at least one girlfriend a week, while you might keep a chore chart to make sure your house gets cleaned regularly.
For the past year, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to make sure all my top priorities become rhythms for me. I can’t do everything, but just like I clean my bathrooms every single week without thinking about it, I have a few more things that I’d like to become like second nature to me. This year I am working on making writing a daily rhythm as I try to get a draft of my dissertation written by June. My goal is to write for one hour every morning and then have one long writing day on Tuesdays when we pay for childcare. The struggle is real, y’all. Some days go so smoothly. I wake up early, enjoy my Bible/coffee time, and then my fingers fly over my keys and I can pump out 500 words in one hour before Z wakes up. On other days, I wake up late, my mind feels unfocused, and I stumble over 50 awkward words before I hear toddler sounds echoing down the hall.
But when I look back at the progress I’ve made in changing goals that were once painstaking into life habits, I want to encourage those of you who are trying to do the same thing. Here are my best tips for taking a goal that feels difficult or unnatural at first and turning it into a way of life:
Start small. When you are working toward creating a rhythm, it’s important to start with really small goals. When I first started reading my Bible in the mornings, my goal was to read for one minute. One minute, y’all! I was so tired and had a million excuses about why I didn’t want to do my quiet time in the morning when I was naturally a night person, but I started small and a habit started to form. Now it’s rare for me to read for less than 15 or 20 minutes, and on my favorite mornings I’ll spend 30 or more minutes with the Lord.
Keep trying. Attempt your goal again and again even if you feel like you’ve “failed.” For a number of years, I felt a tug to use my writing to encourage others. From time to time I’d send notes of encouragement to friends and family and always felt like I should do it more often. Finally, in 2012, I made it an actual goal to write two notes a month. I made it all the way until May and then I got distracted by summer activities and stopped. The following year it remained in the back of my mind, but I didn’t do anything about it. Finally, in 2014, I made it my goal to write just one note of encouragement a month, and I finally did it! And even though I scaled back my goal to just one note {start small, right?}, I actually ended up writing two or more notes every month anyway. Here is one more example… I’ve always been an avid reader, but when I started grad school I stopped reading for fun since I had so much academic reading to do. Finally, after a couple of years, I decided I would implement a “rule” where I could only read for fun before bed {instead of trying to catch up on school reading}. My goal was to finish one book a month. 2013 was my first year to attempt this goal, and I made it about halfway through the year before we bought a house, had a baby, and I got distracted from my goal. But you know what? I read a book every month for the first six months of that year. 2014 was my second attempt and I did it! 12 books for fun in a year. Maybe this year I’ll even squeeze in an extra book or two…
Write it down. Sometimes I can just set a goal in my mind and it’s important enough that I’ll think about it until I get it done. But that’s not always the case. It helps to write out your goals and then to revisit what you’ve written frequently. This year I’m trying something new where I write out all my monthly goals in a little notebook. At least three or four times a week, I open up the list after my quiet time and see if I can check anything off or set a plan to get one of the items done in the next day or two.
Make it public. It really helps to make your goals public in some way. Even if you just share some of your core goals with your spouse, sibling, or a friend, it will make you feel more accountable to completing them. And it’s a bonus if they check back with you to see how your progress is going. If you are social media savvy, sharing your goals with a wider audience on your blog or Instagram can also be hugely motivating.
Make a schedule. Shoot for monthly, weekly, or most days of the week. Be realistic with your goals and decide how often a task needs to be done in order for it to feel like a rhythm. For me, I clean the bathroom weekly, but I only change the sheets on our bed every other week, because that feels sustainable but still sanitary. I am also a big believer in *most* days of the week, meaning if you do something four or more days a week, it’s definitely a regular way of life for you. For example, my goal is to work out four days a week. If I am exercising most days of the week, I feel like I have a healthy fitness rhythm. My goal with my dissertation is to write most mornings each week. I am aiming for Monday-Friday, but if I miss one morning and only write on four weekdays that is still a rhythm that will result in progress.
Have a contingency plan. If you don’t have a back-up plan, you might get discouraged when you fail to meet a goal on time. Like I said, I have a goal to exercise most days of the week {usually four}, but I also have a rule that as long as I work at least three days during the week, I don’t have to work out on weekends. If, for some reason, I only make it to the gym twice during the week, my contingency plan is to visit the gym on Saturday to get a third workout in. {Spoiler alert: Because I really hate going to the gym on weekends, I almost ALWAYS get my 3+ workouts in each week}. If my goal is to read a book each month, I might carve out some time over Christmas break for extra reading in case I get a little bit behind on my yearly goal.
Reward yourself. Incentives really do work if you can find rewards that motivate you. It’s helpful to combine a fun activity or treat with tasks that don’t sound that enjoyable to you naturally. For me, I make myself a big fancy latte before I spend time with the Lord each morning. I actually enjoy the time with God, but the latte is an extra perk for getting up early before the baby. I also only let myself watch TV when I’m folding laundry. I am always caught up on my laundry because I use my TV time as a reward system for doing it. And for the past few months, I’ve started listening to podcasts when I clean my bathrooms. The podcast is an extra incentive to get them done right away on Wednesday mornings. Sometimes I used to stall and I would still be cleaning my bathrooms in the afternoon. Now, thanks to Serial and Get Crafty, my toilets are always sparkling by lunchtime. Find a reward that actually motivates you to get stuff done. If you hate exercising, but love Pinterest, let yourself lounge in the locker room for fifteen minutes after you work out to browse Pinterest on your phone. If you love reading, but are trying to build better sleep habits, tell yourself you can read for fun only if you get in bed before 10:00pm. If you love to shop, allow yourself to buy a new shirt once you remove ten unneeded items from your currently messy closet. The only trick is that you have to follow your own rules. Then you will truly enjoy your rewards and also accomplish the tasks that overwhelm you at the same time.
Those are my tips. Smart small. Tell a friend. Write it down. Reward yourself. And know that you will mess up and keep trying anyway. It can easily take three years or more to build a tiny monthly habit such as writing a quick note to a friend. You can do it. Turn those overwhelming goals into lifestyle rhythms that you barely even have to think about.
