A Lesson on Gym Etiquette

To those who frequent my apartment complex’s gym facility:

Over the past year of living here, I have realized that I have a few very strong opinions about gym etiquette. I thought my beliefs about proper gym behavior were pretty much common sense, but I’m afraid I was mistaken. Allow me to shed some light on this topic…

1) Oh Cable Guy, I just can’t get enough of you. I loved finding your Burger King crumbs from last night on the leg press machine today during my work out… or should I say “your couch?” – since you sit on the leg press machine for hours at a time watching ESPN in our gym.

2) Oh, and Cable Guy, I think it’s kind of rude that you come in while I’m working out and change the channel on the TV without asking. I know I’m actually using our gym to exercise, but maybe I was kind of watching that show… maybe?

3) And one more thing… when you turn the volume on the TV up to 60, I can no longer hear the music in my own headphones. I’d rather not damage my hearing as I try to listen to some music as I run, but I guess the volume of your ION network show is more important. I would hate for the sound of a cardio machine to ruin your gym-theater experience.

4) No, actually I don’t want to get off my treadmill 20 minutes into my run to open the gym door for you because you left your keys inside…especially when the door is already open, but you failed to try it and instead glared at me through the window until I interrupted my run to open the already-open door for you. Running is NOT easy for me people; getting interrupted two-thirds of the way through a run is not ideal.

5) If you are able to talk {loudly} on your phone during your entire workout, I doubt you are really reaching your full fitness potential.

6) Sir, you know it’s generally considered rude to be on a cardio machine for over 30 minutes while people are waiting, right? It seems especially extreme when you are walking 3 mph for 75 minutes as people wait right next to you. At least you are reading Wicked as you stroll leisurely on the treadmill. Good reading choice. Poor gym awareness.

7) To the mom who brings her baby into the gym with her as she works out: I applaud you for being so committed to working out as a young mom. I might even be tempted to take my kid with me to the gym someday too. However, the fact that you give your toddler cheerios in the gym and leave about a 100 of them smashed and strewn about the floor seems a little inappropriate. Maybe you should save snack time for home? Or bring a broom?

8) To the apartment management… I think it’s great that you hired a work crew of six men to fix one of the apartment balconies. You are very good at getting maintenance done around this place. However, do you think you could provide the men with a better break room than the gym? I know they need to get out of the hot sun for awhile, but having six men silently stare at you for 15 minutes as you run on a treadmill makes for a very awkward gym experience.

9) Oh, and management, when you have it posted on the wall of the gym to call management “immediately” if any of the machines are broken and I do call you and let you know that a machine is, indeed, broken… it would be nice if you could have someone fix it in a timely manner… like under three months maybe?

10) No, strange teenage boy who is trying to get into the gym without a key, I will not open the door for you. The fact that you are swimming in our pool in broad daylight wearing only your underwear makes me think you are more likely to be a molester than the average citizen. I am in the gym alone and you and your underwear-clad body are NOT invited.

***And finally, to the girl who wears the sports bra and the spandex and runs a million miles on the treadmill at a 7.7 mph pace, you are my hero.

Love,
Jen

P.S. Yes, these are all true stories that have happened to me over the past year. And although many of these situations were hilarious, and a few of them were incredibly annoying, I must admit that I am thankful for our crazy, little apartment gym. Despite the fact that many of its patrons are not exactly good stewards of the gym,  the space has allowed me to work out for free for the past 13 months; I even did the majority of my half-marathon training on the non-squeaky treadmill 🙂 It also prevents me from having to work out at the ASU gym where I might run into students, which is possibly more awkward than maintenance men or the boxer boy.