Dear Zianne,
You turn seven tomorrow and I get a little choked up just thinking about it. And I am not a mom who cries a lot… so this isn’t my normal sentimentality kicking in.
There is something about this birthday that feels different. I can visibly see you growing up in a way that is unlike your past six birthdays. Maybe it’s because we added a new baby to our house this year, and that made you seem like a teenager compared to your three younger sisters. Or maybe it’s because you’ve endured a pandemic, had your kindergarten year cut short, saw your favorite summer trip get canceled, and still persevered with patience and a great attitude during so much tumult.
Or maybe it’s because you’re amazing, and I see it more clearly every day.
I’ve read a lot of parenting advice that goes something like this: Be a parent now, so you can be friends with your child later. The idea is that by establishing authority, discipline, and clear boundaries with a young child, the result will be a flourishing and mutually-respectful friendship later on. On the contrary, to seek a child’s favor rather than their obedience in the little years will cause turmoil and dysfunction in the child, often impairing the parent-child relationship long-term. I’d like to think that I am your parent and your friend. I hope I can be both all the days of my life.
But I admit, these younger years do require a lot of discipline… lots of “please use a quieter voice” and “no, you cannot watch another show.” Lots of “it’s time to pick up your mess” and “it’s time to go to bed.” But in the past few months, I’ve caught a glimpse of the friendship that lies ahead for us. You clean up your messes without whining, you give me hand when I need help with the baby, and you chat me with about your day. You want to go out for coffee and go shopping… we seem to have many shared interests!
But mostly, I see you turning into a friend I’d like to have. You are confident and kind. You bring an element of fun and enthusiasm to any environment. You are smart and not afraid to say what you think. You love God and want to learn more about him. You include others and enjoy adventures. You are becoming the type of woman I’m always drawn to. When I walk into a new Bible study or a mom’s group, I’m always attracted to the women who are truth-seekers, adventure-takers, intelligent, funny, and warm. The gals who are kind of like you.
I always tell your dad that I know whether or not I’m going to be good friends with someone. I can generally tell upon our first meeting if we have that friendship “spark” — where I know we will go deep, fast. As I’ve seen you mature over these past few months, I’ve realized that I have the friendship spark with my own beautiful daughter.
Tomorrow, I plan to bake muffins for breakfast, hang decorations all over the house, and shower you with gifts. But you are giving me a gift as well – the gift of friendship. You are a friend to me, even now, and I delight in imaging the companion you will become over these next few years. You light up the room, and I want to sit in your corner.
Love,
Mom
