Cozy

Now that the news is out (Baby #3 is on the way!), I can finally write about all things pregnancy…

I found out I was pregnant the week school started at Vanguard. The test said positive and within days I felt utterly awful.

It was my roughest first trimester yet, constant nausea only to be abated by constant eating, and I happened to be in the first few busy weeks of my dream career. Oh, and we were in the middle of moving to a furnished rental, which involved sorting through and packing up 90% of what we own and taking load after load to a storage unit for weeks on end.

Weeks 6-9 of pregnancy almost wrecked me. I remember lying in bed on a Sunday evening fantasizing about how I could get some Zofran on the black market. I was still a week or two away from my first OB appointment, but I didn’t know if I could wait until then. Did eBay sell nausea drugs? I have never had to take medication during pregnancy before, but suddenly I was desperate for it.

One Monday in my 9am class, I asked my students where the best breakfast burrito around campus was. They gave me their recommendations, and I sped to the nearest shop directly after class to consume approximately 900 calories of egg, potato, bacon, and cheese as fast as I could. After that, I began a ritual of going to Starbucks for a second breakfast after my first class of the day (shorter drive and less expensive than a breakfast burrito). God’s grace to me was $3.75 bacon, egg, and gouda sandwiches at 10am every single morning between my classes during the first trimester. Just enough protein and calories to appease my stomach until lunch.

The good news is the really bad nausea only lasted for 3-4 weeks. I know some women deal with it for their whole pregnancy, so I consider myself blessed. I never needed drugs. It turns out I just needed to eat at least 3,000 calories a day.

But you know what the benefit of this constant, overwhelming sickness was? I learned to get cozy.

I’ve heard lots of women talk about the sheer exhaustion of the first trimester, but I never really experienced it the first two times. Sure, I felt a little tired from time to time, but the stories of needing a nap every day or falling asleep at 7pm never really resonated with me. Until now. This time around, I would walk Talitha upstairs for her morning nap, and then collapse on my bed utterly exhausted. It was a combination of feeling winded from walking my 24 pound baby up the stairs and my body simply feeling wretched. I would usually just close my eyes for 20 minutes, and then go about my day.

This is so unlike me. Micah and I are very devoted to our Sunday sabbath, and I do no work on that day, but every other day of the week, I am a hustler. I never stop. Except for the occasional scroll on my phone, I am driven by my to-do list. Unload the dishwasher, grade papers, clean the bathrooms. I rarely sit down.

Or at least, that’s how I used to be.

But thanks to this pregnancy, and feeling awful during some of the busiest weeks of my life, I have learned to stop and get cozy during the day. Most of the time, the means crawling onto my bed to read for a few minutes in the midst of my t0-do list. Clean one bathroom, read a chapter, clean the other bathroom. Sometimes I will just get in bed right after the girls do and read for an hour or more. I don’t know who I am anymore, but I love it.

With all my extra time spent in my bed, I read four books in three months. I know this is not a a lot. But, as someone who struggles to even read one book per month, this rate is astounding to me. And I am now on pace to read 6 books in 4 months. What?

So although my first trimester was my roughest one yet, I’m thankful it taught me to slow down during a very busy season. My brain is sharp from reading so much and my lower-back (which dislikes pregnancy) is grateful I occasionally sit down during the day. Hopefully, I’ll be able to keep up my new-found cozy ways when this new baby arrives and wants to snuggle.

P.S. If you’re curious, here are a few of the books I’ve been tearing through these past few months: Just Mercy, The Night Sister, The Woman in Cabin 10, Station Eleven, Allegiant, and I’m halfway done with The Martian.