We closed out 2021 and my last thoughts were, “Why was that year kind of hard?”
Unlike 2020, where the world suffered and we thrived, 2021 felt like it was supposed to be good — a new state, new jobs, old friends, Covid-insanity melting away — yet, by the year’s end, I felt a bit deflated.
However, nothing really bad happened. We didn’t have any tragic loss or any sudden disappointments. Rather, we had low-level stress for months on end — a missing car, a broken car, endless sickness, tax complications, sudden shifts in our childcare needs. It was a drippy faucet kind of year – especially in the latter half.
After reflecting on 2021, I realized that there are different types of pain — acute and chronic. Acute pain is sudden and sharp. It catches you by surprise and cuts you like a knife. The car accident, the heart attack, the stillbirth, the flood, the fire. The pain is deep and obvious. Generally, a community will circle around you and lift you up in your darkest hour. But then there is chronic pain, dull and subtle. Sometimes you can’t even tell it’s there and you learn how to cope when it is. It may ache or burn but you know how to slap a smile on your face and carry on. People don’t know you are hurting and how could they help even if they did?
2021 was a chronic pain year. There were no acute problems. It was like living life with a pulled ligament. Our days shifted to the left or the right as we dealt with each inconvenience but we took ibuprofen and persevered.
Despite the low-level pain, I am truly grateful for God’s many gifts. I am happy to be back in the desert. So happy to be reunited with friends. Thankful that my kids are thriving despite so many school changes over the past three years. So thankful for eleven years of marriage and our new home and goals and hopes for the future. And, of course, I’m thankful for God’s unfailing love in Christ Jesus.
So to close out the old year, here are my reflections on 2021:
Something fun: Probably my favorite memory of 2021 was Diletta and Eisley’s birthday party in our backyard in early April. What started as a pool party at 4 pm, ended with a bonfire and dance party at 10 pm. No one expected to stay that late, but it was so beautiful to watch friends having so much fun in our new yard that no one wanted to leave. More of that in 2022, please.
Something new: My new job at ACU. It’s been fun to be at a school with values that align so closely with my own. Of course, getting used to the culture and policies at a new institution is also challenging.
Something hard: Being a working mom to big kids and little kids has proven very difficult. In some ways, my big kids are easier and more helpful, but they need me in new ways — help with homework, rides to sports practice, and longer, in-depth conversations. Meanwhile, I still have a toddler and preschooler who need help with eating and bathing and getting dressed. I have felt stretched to the max and never go to bed before midnight.
Something gained: New neighbors. Back in April, we met our neighbors who have two girls and a baby on the way. They are the kind of friends that give you their garage code to sneak into their house while they are not home to borrow an egg on Christmas Day. Then they call you five days later at 5:45 am to come over and watch their kids while they go to the birth center for what turns out to be false labor. Those kinds of neighbors. The very best.
Something lost: My minivan. Literally, my minivan broke down and went missing for 21 days. It turns out it was towed and recorded improperly and was impounded in a town 30 miles away from our house. Sadly, the engine had to be replaced and it continues to give us problems, so it feels like my beloved van was lost figuratively as well. It was a good run and now I need a new car.
Something inspiring: People who speak the truth boldly without fear of man. Allie Beth Stuckey and Christina Crenshaw come to mind, as well as the doctors risking their careers and reputations to reveal Covid corruption.
Something achieved: I was promoted to Associate Professor of English at Vanguard and was able to take the same role at Arizona Christian University.
Something coming to fruition: Watching my older two girls read chapter books. There is something so rewarding about seeing your children become happy and independent readers after years of picture books and alphabet practice and sounding out words.
Something hopeful: The gates of hell cannot prevail against the church (Matthew 16:18). I love being reminded of that as I work with college students and disciple my own children.
Something that matters most and lasts longest: The Word of God. If we cannot understand God’s Word and use it to perceive our current society and live rightly in dark times, then we will be lost in lies and despair. But we have forever hope in the eternal Word of God.
